Thursday

I'm on a free in college now.
I got to walk here, I'm glad because Thursday is my favorite day to walk to college. The reason is quite shameful; Its bin day and i like to look in everyones recycling bins to see what they have eaten during the week.

Food really does have such a strong grip on me.

I am supposed to get lifts to and from college everyday. But since the half term finished, it hasnt really happened.  It went from both ways, to at least one way to now where i seem to walk both ways most days. I dont know why my mum doesnt bother anymore.

I think my family have given up on me.

My mum even told me so. I dont blame them, i have been in treatment for about 7 months and i havnt put any weight on. I put them through so much stress and i feel terrible about it.

Sophie x

How/When

I do not know exactly how or when my illness started.

I remember having strange thoughts about food, restricting my diet and inducing vomiting in years 8 and 9. But these phases passed quickly. I think it was year 10 when things got out of hand. And my focus was ceented in my mind on New Years Eve 2009 when i began a diary; I wrote

"New Years Resolution: Loose Weight"

As for the how, I can's say. My therapists and parents seem to think it was because I once recieved a Bebo (social networking site) quiz from a fried saying that I "had bad legs". She is a good friend of mine and she didnt mean to be cruel. It stuck in my mind. Thing is I have exeama (sp?) on my legs so this ay have been what she meant, but I have always been fixated on the size of my legs.

I have read numerous articles and thories of causes: biological, cognitive, social approaches.

I dont know if I will ever know the cause though, and I beloeve it is very different for every sufferer.

Sophie x

Launch

Hello, My name is Sophie

And I suffer from Anorexia.

There are a number of reasons I have started this blog;

1. Provide comfort to those also suffering from the illness
2. Provide comfort for myself
3. To archive the events and my feelings during my recovery
4. Help others understand the illness

I hope some people will find this useful.

Sophie x