Changes

I have been in treatment for over 7 months now. I can see so many changes in myself...

The Good:

-My hair is no longer falling out in clumps (just a little bit now). I used to have to drag my hair out of the plug hole during every shower so that it would let the water flow through.

-I am drinking nourishment, this is a drink that when was first suggested to me (before starting treatment) I was absolutely repulsed by. I now drink it everyday so something must have changed mentally.

- Better mood. On the whole i am a much happier person than i used to be (although i suppose this could be due to a few other things) ITHINK i am much more pleasant to be around now as i am less stressy and controlling.

- Less sunken eyes. I never noticed this actually but apparently i used to have very sunken and dark eyes, i am now told i look better.

- Enjoying life more, i feel more comfortable now and less stressed.

The Bad:

- Bigger legs.

- Bloated and full feeling all the time. (i know this will pass with time)

I apologise if that sounded like i was just bragging. Basically, my point is, that with recovery my life is getting better. I am better of now then i was before recovery ad there is more good to come. Therefore, i recommend trying to recover and not just accepting that you have an illness and trying to live with it, which for a while is what i intended to do. I am so glad i got help.

Sophie x

Strangers Type 2

In a previous post, i wrote about how strangers were nice, and seemed to care and feel the need to encourage. Strangers also react i the opposite way though, and little kids seem to be the least discrete about their disgust for the way i look.


The day before yesterday i as in the supermarket getting something out of the freezer, i heard a little girls voice say 'look how skinny that girl is' in a loud but whispered voice. I turn out of the freezer and begin to walk away, i look behind to see who said it and there are 2 girls still staring at me walk away, and they dont look away even now.


Ive had many instances where ive been out and noticed people staring or even sneering. It really does dent my confidence and self esteem. I suppose it is also a motivation. Its just that i find it so hurtful. I cant and never have been one of those people who dont care what others think.


Sophie x

Inspirational Graphics

Nourishment & Food Plan Strategy

I did something a bit crazy a few days ago. As you can see from the "My Stats" post, the last time i when to the clinic i had lost a little bit of weight. My dad can with me this time, and he was very disappointed, my mum was too when we told her. The strange thing is, i think i was too. I think i wanted to put weight on! Well, either that or i really didnt want to let my parents down which is probably the more viable option, but if the will not to let my parents down was stronger than the will to not put on weight then thats good!


The crazy thing i did was agree to drink half a can of nourishment drink a day. Its a kindof milky drink with loads of vitamins and protein added. Its because my mum was like, 'Sophie, i think you need to make a big change'. So i mentioned i could probably do that and then there was no going back! she bought some that same day. I do drink it, it feels healthy because its got all those vitamins and protein (which is more difficult for vegetarians who dont like eating cheese or nuts to get). I think that when you add something to your food plan, it should be healthy because even if you dont feel like putting on weight is healthy for you, if it is healthy in another way you may feel better and less guilty about eating it. Or thats what i find anyway. Its like when they asked me to have butter at breakfast on my toast (one part of my breakfast), i think butter is unhealthy (there is a stigma attached to butter, in my mind although some people see it as healthy) so i stopped having toast for breakfast i have biscuits instead.


I do think its strange that the eating plan i got given at the clinic has never worked, (well, worked a little bit but really not very much) but i bet after my choice to add this drink i will put on weight. It makes me think they dont know what theyre talking about. Last week they told me to replace a cereal bar in the morning with a pot of Muller rice pudding, i clarified the size and everything and my dad bought some. It is the same amount of calories as a cereal bar so whats the point? i get frigging loads of dairy any way! and all of the rice puddings had 'low fat' written on them! She also said that because i am vegetarian i get no protein... whattt? So i told her there were nuts, seeds, vegetarian meat alternatives, eggs, cheese etc. Oh well, im booked in to see a nutritionist next month so she should know what shes talking about!


Sophie x     

Inspirational Graphics

Launch

Hello, My name is Sophie

And I suffer from Anorexia.

There are a number of reasons I have started this blog;

1. Provide comfort to those also suffering from the illness
2. Provide comfort for myself
3. To archive the events and my feelings during my recovery
4. Help others understand the illness

I hope some people will find this useful.

Sophie x