Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eating. Show all posts

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Vegetarianism and Eating Disorders

I have read quite a number of articles and blog posts about this. Many with eating disorders have a vegetarian or vegan diet, no question; but are vegetarians more likely to develop eating disorders, or people with eating disorders more likely to adopt vegetarianism? 


There is no doubt that being vegetarian can be very healthy, and can cut out alot of fat from a persons diet. Red meat can be very fatty especially and vegetables have very few calories and virtually no fat in most cases. Therefore, changing to a vegetarian diet, could aid weightloss if the person also avoids cakes, chocolate, biscuits and cheese etc. This could be a reason for someone with an eating disorder, and desire to loose weight to become vegetarian. 


Also, being vegetarian give a person alot of control over their diet, especially if their family is not. They can decline the meals cooked for them and argue that it is for ethical reasons, this makes it far harder for parents to force fatty meat into the person. This may lead to the vegetarian cooking their own meals which they can control completely, or just them missing out on that component on the meal overall. This is another reason why someone with an eating disorder might decide to become vegetarian.


However, most of the diet meals and foods i see on the shelves at M&S, Boots, Tescos etc, contain chicken, turkey or fish, and many weightloss diets feature alot of lean meats. Therefore, it may be impractical for someone with an eating disorder to choose the go vegetarian as they cannot have the low fat, low calorie meal options (vegetarian meals often have cheese in for the protein part). Although, maybe this gives the vegetarian the excuse not to eat atall.


With regards to vegetarians developing eating disorders, i am one of these. I was born into a vegetarian family who wanted to help animals, it is therefore impossible for me to have made the derision based on weightloss. 


Vegetarians for animal rights purposes already feel strongly about food. If they ate meat, they would feel guilty. And feeling guilty after eating is associated with eating disorders. 


Furthermore, they also pay much more attention often, to what is in their food, how it is prepared etc. (i.e what fat or oil something is cooked in, is it grilled or fried etc.) Therefore, there is always more emphasis on food than for a person with a normal diet. The vegetarian may also have to constantly check packaging of food before they buy or eat it, consequently they are more aware of the contents of what they eat and cannot avoid seeing the nutritional content (i.e calories and fat). If something is high in calories for example, they may put it down, but someone who has not had to check the ingredients, may not even see the statistics on the packaging and therefore not have as much of an awareness about GDA and nutritional requirements and values.


Personally, i know that people do become vegetarian in order to loose weight, and people with eating disorders do this so they can avoid food. But i also think that being vegetarian does place more emphasis and importance on food. I dont blame my anorexia on being vegetarian but i wouldnt rule out the possibility that it has made my knowledge of food more extensive and may have aided my weightloss. It is not a pleasant thought to think that the way my parents have raised me and the ethical and moral decision i made to stay vegetarian has cause such a horrible illness. I would like to think it hasnt. But at least i can be sure that i really did become vegetarian for my families own values. 


Sophie x



Monday, 1 August 2011

Peer Pressure

So yesterday i went to the park with my friends. I bought my usual un adventurous lunch, and my friends got theirs. They also got a big pack of biscuits.

I got offered one and refused many times. I kept getting the sideways head and disapproving look from my friend who had bought them, he constantly was shaking the pack at me too. But i kept just saying no. It was so sunny and the chocolate on the biscuits started to melt. Then, my friend was like, right we are finishing these now! And made us all take one, he said have half too me. So i did! I was completely worn down. So it was kindof a half giving in. I didnt have a whole 1 but i was peer pressured enough to let up a little bit. I had been made to feel so stupid and rude by him as all the others ate them and he kept on making me decline. Eventually i just had to give in.

I did feel a bit guilty afterwards, but i kept reminding myself that i could have had a whole 1 so i hadnt completely lost control. This shows i guess how i still fear losing control and will still refuse to eat normally. But i suppose i did take a tiny step yesterday, and i should be pleased about that. I was completely out of my comfort zone, but had no option but to just deal with it.

Sophie x


Friday, 27 May 2011

Fear Foods

For my nutritionist next week, i need to make a list of fear foods.

Im bit reluctant to do this because its probably so she can put them into my meal plan to challenge me. I suppose she will know whats best for my recovery but i really would rather not eat these foods. I would be happy to never eat them again, its not hindering my life in anyway really, everyone has foods they like and dont like. But i know they want to get me back to a healthy way of thinking about food. And i suppose they are the experts and they knowo how to do it. I dont like challenging myself with food but i guess i just have to grip it and rip it.

The foods i have so far are:
1. Non-ready meal pasta
2. Cheese from a block
3. Butter

I think there is more but i just cant think of them on the spot!

Pasta is a big thing for me. I hate it when it is not carefully portioned. I remember watching 'My Big Fat Diet Show' and they said on it that pasta was very high in calories and i immediately cut it out completely. When i was little, i used to have giant plates of it, which is probably why i just wont have it now.

What i mean by cheese from a block is the cheese which you have to cut bits off. I can handle ready sliced if i am required to, and a babybell or cheese string is part of my meal plan so i have to eat them everyday. I dont know why its just a no when its from a block.

Butter. Its just because of the stigma it has i guess.

I have gotten quite alot better with these foods. There was a time where under no circumstances would i eat a baby bell or any cheese, but now i can. I have also been forced to have pasta sometimes which was very uncomfortable, but i managed it. But as i said before, i would be happy never eating these foods again, i dont mind having to avoid them.

Sophie x

Monday, 23 May 2011

Nourishment

I just want to take a moment to advertise these drinks.
At the beginning of my disoder, my dad repeatedly tried to get me to drink them, but i found them the most repulsive things, not because of their taste (although that does get a bit of getting used to) but because they are high in calories and they are liquid calories.

I am still a bit funny about liquid calories. I would NEVER drink non-diet soft drinks for example and i dont really like drinking juice either. But these are a bit different. They arent a waste of calories because they give you so much! As a vegeterian who doesnt like eating cheese or nuts, i find it a little diffiicult to get protein, these drinks contain loads of it. They also contain loads of vitamins and minerals, and 100% of the RDA of most of them.

1 can is a bit much. I suggest drinking half a can a day. They are quite sickly and filling so drinking a whole can in one go might be difficult both physically and mentally.

The reason why i suggest drinking it, is that a big fear of mine is not being able to stop once i am an acceptable weight and getting fat. I know this is a fear for many people with eating disorders, yet they know they do need to get better. I dont hate drinking these, but i dont particuarly like it and i wouldnt ever miss it. Therefore, i can be sure that i can cut this out of my diet as soon as i need to and be able to maintain a suitable weight.

I know quite a few people who use 'build up' and my nutritionist mentioned this to be. But i like how the nourishment is already all weighed up and i can just measure out half the can and know exactly whats in it. Not to mention the fact that its more conventient and less hastle!

They come in 6 flavours. I personally recommend vanilla and chocolate, but there is also strawberry, banana, raspberry and cherry. I havnt tried the last three because i hate bananas and they dont sell the other 2 in any shops near me :(

Here is the website for them which has all the nutritional info, ordering facility and more stuff like peoples stories. http://www.nurishment.co.uk/

Sophie x

 

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Hunger

Im kindof scared. For the last few days i have actually been feeling hungry. This is despite eating what is on my food plan. It would now be easier than ever to lose control, i havnt lost control in so long, i cant remember the last time i slipped up. There have been times where i have had to eat more because of the people im with forcing me in restaurants etc. But i have not lost control before, and im terrified it will happen soon and i will feel hungry and just eat and eat.

I have heard about people who have had anorexia and then developed the bulimia. I have already experience that disorder and i REALLY dont want to go back there. I dont want to be purge-non binge either, beacuse then i will probably get fat. ugh i hate this feeling of hunger which i once revelled in. It feels dangerous now, not safe like it used to.

I suppose i will just have to watch myself.


In other news, today was another birthday and another cake. Did i eat any? no. Did everyone else eat some? yes. :'(

Sophie x

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Tuesday, 3 May 2011

General Update 2

Hrmm... Im really not feeling great today. Only they way to college today i didnt look for cars, and when i got to the otherside i realised i was diappointed because i had been hoping to get hit.

Here in England we had a 4 day weekend due to the royal wedding and i went to 2 parties. The pictures got uploaded to facebook yesterday and looking at them hurts so much. I dont want to look like this anymore, i hate it. I look disgusting and all my friends look amazing. Its embarrassing. It should be easy, my skinnyness is the main reason for me looking so hiddiousm so why dont i just eat loads? For some reason i just wont. Why dont i go downstaires and grab a chocolate dohnut or 2? Its so irritating not understanding myself, all i know is there is no way i would eat any of a chocolate dohnut right now.


One of the parties i went to was a friends birthday party. Everyone ate cake... except me. And yet they all looked great and i looked horrible. Why didnt i eat some? It was my friends birthday cake! Its not like ill get addicted to eating it and not be able to go a day without it, its not a friends birthday everyday. UGH im so annoying.

I cant wait to get normal. I hope i get there soon or it might be too late.


Sophie x


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Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Launch

Hello, My name is Sophie

And I suffer from Anorexia.

There are a number of reasons I have started this blog;

1. Provide comfort to those also suffering from the illness
2. Provide comfort for myself
3. To archive the events and my feelings during my recovery
4. Help others understand the illness

I hope some people will find this useful.

Sophie x