Studies

My mum one day sent me an email of a study at King College London that needed volunteers. They needed people with eating disorders and their siblings. I have long wanted research to reveal why people get these disorders or at least more of an idea, so i was pleased to know of a study investigating this and even more pleased that it would be possible for me to help it. 


So i emailed that woman who was running the study and was accepted. My sister and me went to London and gave a saliva sample (for the genetic, biological side) and did an hour long interview (for the environment side). 


They said gathering and processing the results would probably take about a year, which s understandable, but longer than i want to wait! My sister and me were even given £10 each for participating.


They also offered me 2 other studies which i will gladly take part in. There are actually quite alot of studies going on which i think is promising. 


I definitely suggest looking out for studies, you can help research and even earn a little bit of money. And they arnt much trouble. One of the studies im doing is actually a kid of therapy which i am getting for free and it might help me recover. They might be advertised at your eating disorders clinic.


Sophie x

Vegetarianism and Eating Disorders

I have read quite a number of articles and blog posts about this. Many with eating disorders have a vegetarian or vegan diet, no question; but are vegetarians more likely to develop eating disorders, or people with eating disorders more likely to adopt vegetarianism? 


There is no doubt that being vegetarian can be very healthy, and can cut out alot of fat from a persons diet. Red meat can be very fatty especially and vegetables have very few calories and virtually no fat in most cases. Therefore, changing to a vegetarian diet, could aid weightloss if the person also avoids cakes, chocolate, biscuits and cheese etc. This could be a reason for someone with an eating disorder, and desire to loose weight to become vegetarian. 


Also, being vegetarian give a person alot of control over their diet, especially if their family is not. They can decline the meals cooked for them and argue that it is for ethical reasons, this makes it far harder for parents to force fatty meat into the person. This may lead to the vegetarian cooking their own meals which they can control completely, or just them missing out on that component on the meal overall. This is another reason why someone with an eating disorder might decide to become vegetarian.


However, most of the diet meals and foods i see on the shelves at M&S, Boots, Tescos etc, contain chicken, turkey or fish, and many weightloss diets feature alot of lean meats. Therefore, it may be impractical for someone with an eating disorder to choose the go vegetarian as they cannot have the low fat, low calorie meal options (vegetarian meals often have cheese in for the protein part). Although, maybe this gives the vegetarian the excuse not to eat atall.


With regards to vegetarians developing eating disorders, i am one of these. I was born into a vegetarian family who wanted to help animals, it is therefore impossible for me to have made the derision based on weightloss. 


Vegetarians for animal rights purposes already feel strongly about food. If they ate meat, they would feel guilty. And feeling guilty after eating is associated with eating disorders. 


Furthermore, they also pay much more attention often, to what is in their food, how it is prepared etc. (i.e what fat or oil something is cooked in, is it grilled or fried etc.) Therefore, there is always more emphasis on food than for a person with a normal diet. The vegetarian may also have to constantly check packaging of food before they buy or eat it, consequently they are more aware of the contents of what they eat and cannot avoid seeing the nutritional content (i.e calories and fat). If something is high in calories for example, they may put it down, but someone who has not had to check the ingredients, may not even see the statistics on the packaging and therefore not have as much of an awareness about GDA and nutritional requirements and values.


Personally, i know that people do become vegetarian in order to loose weight, and people with eating disorders do this so they can avoid food. But i also think that being vegetarian does place more emphasis and importance on food. I dont blame my anorexia on being vegetarian but i wouldnt rule out the possibility that it has made my knowledge of food more extensive and may have aided my weightloss. It is not a pleasant thought to think that the way my parents have raised me and the ethical and moral decision i made to stay vegetarian has cause such a horrible illness. I would like to think it hasnt. But at least i can be sure that i really did become vegetarian for my families own values. 


Sophie x

Chantelle Houghton

http://www.metro.co.uk/showbiz/869688-chantelle-houghton-dieting-left-me-unable-to-conceive

Above is a link that my mum directed me to. It is about Big Brother contestant Chantelle Houghton. Shes 27 and she says ‘The doctor told me that I’d never be able to conceive naturally,’ . 


She says it was due to her her extreme dieting, crash dieting and battle with bulimia. She says that she blames herself and  "can never forgive myself."


Luckily she may be able to become pregnant with IVF, but there is no certainty.


She warns ‘Being stick-thin – is it worth that?’ 


This is a stripped down version of the article, its not long to start with so will only take a few minutes to read. 


Its so easy to forget that having a family is more important than control over my eating. But i will try to keep remembering it and hopefully Chantelle Houghton will remind me.


Sophie x

Illustrated Explanation - Choice

This is a really interesting video. It is mainly about politics, but as it I was watching it i made quite a few comparisons and parallels with eating disorders, and then within the last few minutes they addressed them directly. 


I know much of the video is irrelevant, i found even those bits interesting regardless. I definitely think it is worth watching. I also enjoy the other illustrated videos the channel has done.. They are interesting to look at and explain topics well.


Sophie x  

Negative Self Evaluation Explaination

Fairburn et al. did a study in 1999 which found that a high risk factor for bulimia was negative self evaluation. Another study by Button identified low self esteem to be a risk factor for eating disorders. Perfectionism is also a trait with a high risk factor, which would increase and intensify a negative self evaluation. 

Buttons study involved 594 school girls aged 11 to 12, who were evaluated for self esteem.  400 of these girls were followed up when they were 15 to 16 by answering a questionnaire about eating and psychological problems. Those with low self esteem when they were 11 or 12 were more likely to have low self esteem later, they were also more at risk of eating disorders and other problems related to health family and school.

This all seems fairly obvious, but there you are.

Sophie x 

Obsessed

I read yesterday, that when the body is starved, it becomes very awake and alert - on the look out for food. It is thought that this is why those with eating disorders become obsessed with food. 

I know it is certainly true of me, i am obsessed with it and think about it often, i used to think about it ALL the time. I remember being in conversations, and then i would switch and start counting the calories i had had today, or making a plan of what i was going to about dinner or something. I would completely loose the thread of the talk. I would loose the plot of the films i watched aswell. Food shows and recipe books also became my favourite pass times. I recently went on my youtube account and made myself un subscribe from about 13 cookery channels. And there are 2 i just couldnt get rid of. Oh and food blogs are another thing.

So food took over my daytime, everyday life. It also took over my sleep. I still dream about food regularly. They are always nightmares. They are mostly about eating or drinking loads of something i thought was safe, and then seeing the label and realising that they are full of calories. Sometimes it is about my anxiety lowering methods being exposed.

Maybe that is what recovery will be to me. Being free from the thoughts of food.

Sophie x

Changes

I have been in treatment for over 7 months now. I can see so many changes in myself...

The Good:

-My hair is no longer falling out in clumps (just a little bit now). I used to have to drag my hair out of the plug hole during every shower so that it would let the water flow through.

-I am drinking nourishment, this is a drink that when was first suggested to me (before starting treatment) I was absolutely repulsed by. I now drink it everyday so something must have changed mentally.

- Better mood. On the whole i am a much happier person than i used to be (although i suppose this could be due to a few other things) ITHINK i am much more pleasant to be around now as i am less stressy and controlling.

- Less sunken eyes. I never noticed this actually but apparently i used to have very sunken and dark eyes, i am now told i look better.

- Enjoying life more, i feel more comfortable now and less stressed.

The Bad:

- Bigger legs.

- Bloated and full feeling all the time. (i know this will pass with time)

I apologise if that sounded like i was just bragging. Basically, my point is, that with recovery my life is getting better. I am better of now then i was before recovery ad there is more good to come. Therefore, i recommend trying to recover and not just accepting that you have an illness and trying to live with it, which for a while is what i intended to do. I am so glad i got help.

Sophie x

Expectations

I going to hit you with some more psychology. I had an exam in it last week so im pretty clued up on it at the moment!

The reason i got thinking about this, is that for dinner tonight, i wasnt asked what i wanted, it just began to be prepared. I said to my mum that i didnt really want a baked potato and that it was unfair that i wasnt asked. Now, if a 'normal' person, or me before my disorder had said this, my mum would have probably just said oh sorry or something. But instead my dad shouts down the stairs somthing like 'stop rejecting and complaining about food, your weak, its your anorexia, stop being so weak and think about what your saying' blah blah blah.

Why this has to do with psychology is that one of the core studies i had to know was called Insane in Insane Places, by Rosenhan. Part of the study involved sane people being admitted into a mental hospital and trying to convince the staff that they were infact sane. The pseudo patients kept notes, a normal behaviour, except the doctors wrote in the records 'patient engages in writing behaviour' and if they arrived early for lunch, they had ' oral acquisitive syndrome'. Their normal behaviours were being seen in the light of what their diagnosis made people expect them to act like.

I think the same is happening to me. I cant ever just not really feel like something, infact i cant ever not like any food. Its always my anorexia that doesnt like the food apparently. I always thought people had food that just wernt to their tastes but seems like im not allowed that.

:(

Sophie x

Nutritional Information On Packets 2

The other day i saw my nutritionist. She said something which i found really odd for someone interested in health to say. She said that she would like it is all the nutritional information on packets was taken off.

Im pretty sure the reason its on there is so that people can be aware of what they eat and make better decisions. It seems strange that someone who is so interested in healthy eating would want them removed. But she is not alone, she said many other nutritionists agree. She said that it has made people far too worried about fats. I know that we need fats and having some fats is essential in our diets, but im fairly sure that for most people it should be kept an eye upon, if that fat percentage and grams was not on there, people might eat loads of it without knowing.

My mum agrees with my nutritionist, and although i would hate it if the fat and calories was not labelled on everything, i do see their point. I dont know if i would have ended up the way i am if i had not become so aware of what was in my food. If i didnt know that a certain food (i.e. pasta) had so many calories in it, i would not have made myself avoid it. However, for the majority of the population, i would say that it is important for them to know, for most people, eating too much saturated fats would be very dangerous for example. I dont think we can trust our natural instincts to eat what is healthy for us anymore, i think that instinct went a long time ago. So i would say we do need the labels.

Sophie x

Individual Identity Explaination

It has been suggested that eating disorders can be related to family issues and relationships. This involves adolescent's 'struggle' to gain an individual identity and independence. In some families, the parents will enforce so much control that the children to not gain a sense of individuality, resulting in low-self esteem. Part of the family control may be that the parent cooks the meals and the child eats them. Therefore, a way to resist the control and find individuality and independence, may be not to eat.

This theory seems quite stretched. I think it seems like too smaller thing to have such a large impact (although i suppose it is often the small things). Perhaps vomiting is a more extreme form. If a meal is cooked by a parent and the child throws it back up, that could be seen as resisting control. 

I know that i was always made to sit at the table and eat my meal. I was an extremely fussy eater as a child but my dad would not let me leave the table without eating everything. So i guess in this way, control was enforced on me. But still, i dont think i would use this to rebel. It seems too cruel and an insignificant thing to rebel with. I dont know, i dont think this applies to me, but it is a plausible theory.

Sophie x

Super Models Body Shop Poster

Ok, so i know this poster is REALLY old, but i have never really properly understood what it meant and what message its trying to get across.

I suppose what their saying is dont aspire to be a supermodel (or perfect?) because there are so few and so many normal people. 

But why should we not aspire to be the best? I want to be a computer games programmer, i want to get the best job and be the highest up, should i not apply for this? Should i not try? I dont see whats wrong with trying to look good. I identified my biggest flaw (big legs)  and tried to change it. I see this as a good thing, i wanted to help myself. And i wanted to be perfect. But obviously i took it too far, way too far. I dont think the way to stop eating disorders (and other issues) is to say dont aim for perfection because you wont get there because there are too few people that do. I didnt think i would achieve perfection but i would get closer. Surely the more i looked like my (and to a large extent society's) idea of perfection the better.

Basically, to me this advert says, there are only 8 good looking people, you are not one of them, do not try to be. Just accept who you are even if your not happy with it. Go through life un happy in yourself because you can never be any different.

Hmmm... maybe i just have this all wrong. It is the Body Shop who i would expect their adverts to work and make sense but i just cant see a good message in it now, maybe i will later.

Sophie x

Changing Your Life

I found this video really quite useful. It talks about how to get over the obsicles that prevent you from changing your life. Basically, how to saty motivated to change. It goes through what the obsicles are and then some tools and methods to combat them. Most of it is fairly obvious but it is good to be reminded.

Obviously I, and many others have to switch what she says around from loosing weight to putting on weight! I havnt put this video on here to help me or other anorexics loose weight! So switch it around!

Just remember that you really can change your life. I am going to change mine, I have come along way and I will reach normality. I hope this video does help people to stay focused and achieve their goals.

Sophie x

Songs 4

Lady Gaga - Born This Way. While this song isnt directly about eating disorders, and there was probably no intention for it to apply, i believe it has relevence.

"There's nothin' wrong with lovin' who you are
She said, 'cause He made you perfect, babe
So hold your head up, girl and you you'll go far
Listen to me when I say

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way, born this way"

Basically, your beautiful the way you are. (I dont believe in God but..) God made you with your body and he "makes no mistakes". We should not try and alter our natural body shapes that we are born with. I weas born with a pear shape body but i changed it to be boyish, and now i am told i am ugly.

I wish we could all be more proud of who we are and who we were. I hated myself so i changes, but i should have loved myself and then i would have been more confident and not in the mess i am now.

I have noticed there are significantly more pro ana songs than pro recovery. Not good.

Sophie x

Dr Phil Deadly Thin

I watched this video yesterday. There are more parts but i found it so hard to watch that i havnt seen the others.

Its just terrible, i cant believe the poor girl got that bad. To be honest i am stunned. And i cant really think of what to say about it. I suppose it speaks for itself.

The video also talks about obesity for the first part.

***WARNING THIS VIDEO IS VERY HARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH***

Sophie x

Fear Foods

For my nutritionist next week, i need to make a list of fear foods.

Im bit reluctant to do this because its probably so she can put them into my meal plan to challenge me. I suppose she will know whats best for my recovery but i really would rather not eat these foods. I would be happy to never eat them again, its not hindering my life in anyway really, everyone has foods they like and dont like. But i know they want to get me back to a healthy way of thinking about food. And i suppose they are the experts and they knowo how to do it. I dont like challenging myself with food but i guess i just have to grip it and rip it.

The foods i have so far are:
1. Non-ready meal pasta
2. Cheese from a block
3. Butter

I think there is more but i just cant think of them on the spot!

Pasta is a big thing for me. I hate it when it is not carefully portioned. I remember watching 'My Big Fat Diet Show' and they said on it that pasta was very high in calories and i immediately cut it out completely. When i was little, i used to have giant plates of it, which is probably why i just wont have it now.

What i mean by cheese from a block is the cheese which you have to cut bits off. I can handle ready sliced if i am required to, and a babybell or cheese string is part of my meal plan so i have to eat them everyday. I dont know why its just a no when its from a block.

Butter. Its just because of the stigma it has i guess.

I have gotten quite alot better with these foods. There was a time where under no circumstances would i eat a baby bell or any cheese, but now i can. I have also been forced to have pasta sometimes which was very uncomfortable, but i managed it. But as i said before, i would be happy never eating these foods again, i dont mind having to avoid them.

Sophie x

Vitamins

I'm advised to take vitamin supplements. heres what i take:

1. Kelp. Good for weight management  (although not exactly sure what this means!). My dad actually made me take these after japan's earthquake to deter the radiation, and i just kept taking them.

2. Zinc. Good for immune system and hair. My hair does seem to be getting thinker, i have some weird clumps of hair growin, it looks a bit wierd but to be honest im just pleased to see growth! This may just be from eating more though.

3. Multi-vitamin and Iron. General well being and i think as iron is good for the blood, it might help my periods come back.

This is in addition to the nourishment i drink everyday which i described the benefits of in the last post.

My mum wants me to take these omega 3 tablets too. She keeps putting them out for me, but i put them back in the pot. The reason i do this is because they are oil based. And oil = fat. I really shouldnt care about that kind of thing anymore. I think thats the only reason she wants me to take them, but i should be fine with it... why arnt i?! its normal to take these tablets, loads of people do it! It might be because i once took 2 evening primrose oil tablets and my dad said 'wouldnt it be funny if you got fat'. So i suppose i associate oil tablets with fat now... i dont know! Its so irritating not being able to understand yourself!

Sophie x

Nourishment

I just want to take a moment to advertise these drinks.
At the beginning of my disoder, my dad repeatedly tried to get me to drink them, but i found them the most repulsive things, not because of their taste (although that does get a bit of getting used to) but because they are high in calories and they are liquid calories.

I am still a bit funny about liquid calories. I would NEVER drink non-diet soft drinks for example and i dont really like drinking juice either. But these are a bit different. They arent a waste of calories because they give you so much! As a vegeterian who doesnt like eating cheese or nuts, i find it a little diffiicult to get protein, these drinks contain loads of it. They also contain loads of vitamins and minerals, and 100% of the RDA of most of them.

1 can is a bit much. I suggest drinking half a can a day. They are quite sickly and filling so drinking a whole can in one go might be difficult both physically and mentally.

The reason why i suggest drinking it, is that a big fear of mine is not being able to stop once i am an acceptable weight and getting fat. I know this is a fear for many people with eating disorders, yet they know they do need to get better. I dont hate drinking these, but i dont particuarly like it and i wouldnt ever miss it. Therefore, i can be sure that i can cut this out of my diet as soon as i need to and be able to maintain a suitable weight.

I know quite a few people who use 'build up' and my nutritionist mentioned this to be. But i like how the nourishment is already all weighed up and i can just measure out half the can and know exactly whats in it. Not to mention the fact that its more conventient and less hastle!

They come in 6 flavours. I personally recommend vanilla and chocolate, but there is also strawberry, banana, raspberry and cherry. I havnt tried the last three because i hate bananas and they dont sell the other 2 in any shops near me :(

Here is the website for them which has all the nutritional info, ordering facility and more stuff like peoples stories. http://www.nurishment.co.uk/

Sophie x

 

Something Embarrassing

Today, i thought i would share something i just remembered had happened to me. Its really quite embarrassing but i think the best way to deal with it is to share it and laugh at it!

I remember getting home from college, having eaten very little if not nothing and trying to convince myself i wasnt hungry. I needed to feed my cat, so i opened a sache of that disgusting, wet, smelly, meaty cat food. And i realised that it was actually extremely appealing and i wanted to eat it! (despite being vegetarian also) I was so hungry that even the most disgusting thing my body wanted to eat. Haha at me. How embarrassing!

Sophie x

P.S. dont worry, i didnt eat it.

P.P.S. I noticed the other day that my cat's treat pouch said '3 calories per treat' on it, so even cats are counting calories now? society is messed up!

Songs 3

An encouraging recovery song. Its not my kind of music, but the lyrics are motivational and lots of people have found this song helpful :)

Sophie x

Good Girls Do Swallow Review

Good Girls Do Swallow by Rachael Oaks-Ash

This book was very funny and i did enjoy it. When it says darkly comic on the front, its the truth. Most of the jokes are about how rediculous and shocking the things she has done or what others have done with exaggeration. Although it wasnt a diary, it reminded me of the Georgia Nickleson books (Angus, Thongs and full frontal snogging etc.). Its that kind of humour.

Obviously, there is a serious message behind the humour. It is the story of someone who had struggled with eating disorders all their life until now. The book includes her recovery and details the thought processes behid her recovery. So it is quite inspiring to read.

However, the book is more about her adult life than teen years. I think only the very beginning is about her teen life which at the moment, being only a teen myself, is the only part i can properly relate to as i have not experienced adult life yet. This would not be an issue for adult readers oviously. Also, even though the author had suffered from anorexia, i felt more of the book was based around bulimia and even though i did have that, i could have identified more with anorexic writings. Again this wouldnt be an issue for alot of people who do suffer from bulimia.

Even not being able to relate on every level of the book, that is not nessassary to take an important message and enjoy reading the book. I do recomend it to anyone with an eating disorder but in particular those with bulimia or a binge subtype.

Sophie x