Obsessed

I read yesterday, that when the body is starved, it becomes very awake and alert - on the look out for food. It is thought that this is why those with eating disorders become obsessed with food. 

I know it is certainly true of me, i am obsessed with it and think about it often, i used to think about it ALL the time. I remember being in conversations, and then i would switch and start counting the calories i had had today, or making a plan of what i was going to about dinner or something. I would completely loose the thread of the talk. I would loose the plot of the films i watched aswell. Food shows and recipe books also became my favourite pass times. I recently went on my youtube account and made myself un subscribe from about 13 cookery channels. And there are 2 i just couldnt get rid of. Oh and food blogs are another thing.

So food took over my daytime, everyday life. It also took over my sleep. I still dream about food regularly. They are always nightmares. They are mostly about eating or drinking loads of something i thought was safe, and then seeing the label and realising that they are full of calories. Sometimes it is about my anxiety lowering methods being exposed.

Maybe that is what recovery will be to me. Being free from the thoughts of food.

Sophie x