Waiting for Food

In the book To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. The children have to go into this old lady's house and read to her. She is called Ms Dubose. The children have to read to her until an alarm rings and ten they can leave. **Slight Spoiler** The bell gets later and later. They then find out that she had a morphine addiction and when the bell went she could have some **End Of Spoiler**


This reminds me of myself, but with food. In order to feel in control of my eating, even if i dont have control of what i am eating, i keep set times of when i can eat each thing on my meal plan. I will tell everyone that i hate food, and i do, but i hate it because i love it. I actually look forward to these times most times. I will stare at my watch until it gets to the exact number. Then i know that i can eat. However, usually i wont, i try to make myself wait as long as possible. I think it is only to show myself that i am still in control and i can still resist food. I know ho silly that sounds.


The times which i do eat, are often quite late. The other day i thought, im going to move everything after dinner back half an hour. But when i came to the new time to eat, i didnt, i let it tick on until the normal time. I thought that i just couldnt resist if i made it earlier and convinced myself that that was the unconscious reason i had decided to eat earlier.


... Normality seems so far away at the moment


Sophie x