Some Good, Bad and Somewhere Inbetween News

Some good news and some bad news, and some which im not sure how to classify!

1. I have put on weight (good/bad, mostly good i think)

2. It has gone to my legs. My legs' circumference is 3mm larger now (bad) why cant it just go to my arms or tummy or bum? I used to have a good bum, now i dont really even have 1 at all. I know it sounds a bit silly, getting wound up about 3mm, but my i hate my legs so much, they still seem big to me so i definately dont want more weight on them. Everyone tells me theyre super skinny, but i can honestly say, i dont see them like that at all, they look giant to me.

3. My dad has gone a 4 day course which means 1 member of the food police is out of the house (good/bad) good because there is less pressure on me and i dont have to listen to his lectures about how im ugly and have ruined myself. Bad beacuse there is less pressure on me and i might not eat as much as i should. I suppose its up to me to not let that happen.

4. My hair has started to grow back. (good) There is new hair gtowth on the top of my head! It looks like i havefrizz but i dont really care, im just happy its growing back because i used to have really thick hair and right now its really thin.

I think ill end it on that good point. I like the inspirational quote i found today, its nice :)

Sophie x

General Update 2

Hrmm... Im really not feeling great today. Only they way to college today i didnt look for cars, and when i got to the otherside i realised i was diappointed because i had been hoping to get hit.

Here in England we had a 4 day weekend due to the royal wedding and i went to 2 parties. The pictures got uploaded to facebook yesterday and looking at them hurts so much. I dont want to look like this anymore, i hate it. I look disgusting and all my friends look amazing. Its embarrassing. It should be easy, my skinnyness is the main reason for me looking so hiddiousm so why dont i just eat loads? For some reason i just wont. Why dont i go downstaires and grab a chocolate dohnut or 2? Its so irritating not understanding myself, all i know is there is no way i would eat any of a chocolate dohnut right now.


One of the parties i went to was a friends birthday party. Everyone ate cake... except me. And yet they all looked great and i looked horrible. Why didnt i eat some? It was my friends birthday cake! Its not like ill get addicted to eating it and not be able to go a day without it, its not a friends birthday everyday. UGH im so annoying.

I cant wait to get normal. I hope i get there soon or it might be too late.


Sophie x

General Update

Things arnt going too bad at the moment. I generally feel alot more positive.

The easter hilodays are over and im back at college. This means i am back to being able to control and restrict what i eat. Unfortunately this is what i have been doing. But this is only the second day back and tomorrow i am going to try really hard to be strong. Today i have managed to eat more for lunch than i did yesterday and hopefully i can do even better tomorrow. It is still less than i ate before the holidays though, i hope i can bring my self to eat even more than that beacuse that wasnt enough to put on wieght, so i have to.

Its kindof scary because i know i will put weight on this time. I have to. With the nourishment and that. Its going to be a very confusing and distressing day the day that i no longer fit into my tiny jeans. I hope i handle that ok. I think its probably quite a long way away, but im still worried. I havnt had to deal with putting on really any weight and the feelings that come with that yet, i hope its not too bad.

My dad hasnt been very good recently. I have my nose pierced and just started wearing a ring. He absolutely hates it and he said something like: 'it seems to be your aim to disappoint me, you really do disappoint me'. I hate i when he says stuff like that; it really cuts deep. I hope i can get better soon and then he can be proud of me.

Hmm... i said at the start of the post that i feel more positive, and then went on about all negative things :s i really do feel alot better though. I didnt manage to have the nourishment yesterday which is bad but i have already made my mind up that i will have it today. I feel ok about it, i know i just have to get better.

On another note, im liking putting these really cheesy inspirational graphics on my posts, todays i think is particually cheesy!

Sophie x

Inspirational Graphics