Today I am going away to stay in Brighton for a few days. I am going to be with a friend and we are staying in their uncles house. None of my family will be there to supervise me. Although my friend is aware of my issues and i dont think would let me eat nothing (i wouldnt anyway) he wont want to think about that make me eat everything on my meal plan.
There is alot of resposibility for me and i really hope i will be able to deal with it and not loose weight. My parents have said that if i do loose weight im not allowed to go to anymore things away. This might include cancelling the festival i am helping out out later which would be a huge shame as i am really looking forward to that.
Hopefully for these few days away i will see what it is like to eat normally in a house where there are no rules about food and when or what one has to eat. Maybe i will learn to better eat intuitively. That would happen if i chose not to follow my eating plan at all i suppose, but i dont know if i should try and do that or not yet. I have packed a can of nourishment for each day so that should help.
Sophie x
Wednesday 10 August 2011
Tuesday 9 August 2011
Studies
My mum one day sent me an email of a study at King College London that needed volunteers. They needed people with eating disorders and their siblings. I have long wanted research to reveal why people get these disorders or at least more of an idea, so i was pleased to know of a study investigating this and even more pleased that it would be possible for me to help it.
So i emailed that woman who was running the study and was accepted. My sister and me went to London and gave a saliva sample (for the genetic, biological side) and did an hour long interview (for the environment side).
They said gathering and processing the results would probably take about a year, which s understandable, but longer than i want to wait! My sister and me were even given £10 each for participating.
They also offered me 2 other studies which i will gladly take part in. There are actually quite alot of studies going on which i think is promising.
I definitely suggest looking out for studies, you can help research and even earn a little bit of money. And they arnt much trouble. One of the studies im doing is actually a kid of therapy which i am getting for free and it might help me recover. They might be advertised at your eating disorders clinic.
Sophie x
So i emailed that woman who was running the study and was accepted. My sister and me went to London and gave a saliva sample (for the genetic, biological side) and did an hour long interview (for the environment side).
They said gathering and processing the results would probably take about a year, which s understandable, but longer than i want to wait! My sister and me were even given £10 each for participating.
They also offered me 2 other studies which i will gladly take part in. There are actually quite alot of studies going on which i think is promising.
I definitely suggest looking out for studies, you can help research and even earn a little bit of money. And they arnt much trouble. One of the studies im doing is actually a kid of therapy which i am getting for free and it might help me recover. They might be advertised at your eating disorders clinic.
Sophie x
Tuesday 2 August 2011
Vegetarianism and Eating Disorders
I have read quite a number of articles and blog posts about this. Many with eating disorders have a vegetarian or vegan diet, no question; but are vegetarians more likely to develop eating disorders, or people with eating disorders more likely to adopt vegetarianism?
There is no doubt that being vegetarian can be very healthy, and can cut out alot of fat from a persons diet. Red meat can be very fatty especially and vegetables have very few calories and virtually no fat in most cases. Therefore, changing to a vegetarian diet, could aid weightloss if the person also avoids cakes, chocolate, biscuits and cheese etc. This could be a reason for someone with an eating disorder, and desire to loose weight to become vegetarian.
Also, being vegetarian give a person alot of control over their diet, especially if their family is not. They can decline the meals cooked for them and argue that it is for ethical reasons, this makes it far harder for parents to force fatty meat into the person. This may lead to the vegetarian cooking their own meals which they can control completely, or just them missing out on that component on the meal overall. This is another reason why someone with an eating disorder might decide to become vegetarian.
However, most of the diet meals and foods i see on the shelves at M&S, Boots, Tescos etc, contain chicken, turkey or fish, and many weightloss diets feature alot of lean meats. Therefore, it may be impractical for someone with an eating disorder to choose the go vegetarian as they cannot have the low fat, low calorie meal options (vegetarian meals often have cheese in for the protein part). Although, maybe this gives the vegetarian the excuse not to eat atall.
With regards to vegetarians developing eating disorders, i am one of these. I was born into a vegetarian family who wanted to help animals, it is therefore impossible for me to have made the derision based on weightloss.
Vegetarians for animal rights purposes already feel strongly about food. If they ate meat, they would feel guilty. And feeling guilty after eating is associated with eating disorders.
Furthermore, they also pay much more attention often, to what is in their food, how it is prepared etc. (i.e what fat or oil something is cooked in, is it grilled or fried etc.) Therefore, there is always more emphasis on food than for a person with a normal diet. The vegetarian may also have to constantly check packaging of food before they buy or eat it, consequently they are more aware of the contents of what they eat and cannot avoid seeing the nutritional content (i.e calories and fat). If something is high in calories for example, they may put it down, but someone who has not had to check the ingredients, may not even see the statistics on the packaging and therefore not have as much of an awareness about GDA and nutritional requirements and values.
Personally, i know that people do become vegetarian in order to loose weight, and people with eating disorders do this so they can avoid food. But i also think that being vegetarian does place more emphasis and importance on food. I dont blame my anorexia on being vegetarian but i wouldnt rule out the possibility that it has made my knowledge of food more extensive and may have aided my weightloss. It is not a pleasant thought to think that the way my parents have raised me and the ethical and moral decision i made to stay vegetarian has cause such a horrible illness. I would like to think it hasnt. But at least i can be sure that i really did become vegetarian for my families own values.
Sophie x
There is no doubt that being vegetarian can be very healthy, and can cut out alot of fat from a persons diet. Red meat can be very fatty especially and vegetables have very few calories and virtually no fat in most cases. Therefore, changing to a vegetarian diet, could aid weightloss if the person also avoids cakes, chocolate, biscuits and cheese etc. This could be a reason for someone with an eating disorder, and desire to loose weight to become vegetarian.
Also, being vegetarian give a person alot of control over their diet, especially if their family is not. They can decline the meals cooked for them and argue that it is for ethical reasons, this makes it far harder for parents to force fatty meat into the person. This may lead to the vegetarian cooking their own meals which they can control completely, or just them missing out on that component on the meal overall. This is another reason why someone with an eating disorder might decide to become vegetarian.
However, most of the diet meals and foods i see on the shelves at M&S, Boots, Tescos etc, contain chicken, turkey or fish, and many weightloss diets feature alot of lean meats. Therefore, it may be impractical for someone with an eating disorder to choose the go vegetarian as they cannot have the low fat, low calorie meal options (vegetarian meals often have cheese in for the protein part). Although, maybe this gives the vegetarian the excuse not to eat atall.
With regards to vegetarians developing eating disorders, i am one of these. I was born into a vegetarian family who wanted to help animals, it is therefore impossible for me to have made the derision based on weightloss.
Vegetarians for animal rights purposes already feel strongly about food. If they ate meat, they would feel guilty. And feeling guilty after eating is associated with eating disorders.
Furthermore, they also pay much more attention often, to what is in their food, how it is prepared etc. (i.e what fat or oil something is cooked in, is it grilled or fried etc.) Therefore, there is always more emphasis on food than for a person with a normal diet. The vegetarian may also have to constantly check packaging of food before they buy or eat it, consequently they are more aware of the contents of what they eat and cannot avoid seeing the nutritional content (i.e calories and fat). If something is high in calories for example, they may put it down, but someone who has not had to check the ingredients, may not even see the statistics on the packaging and therefore not have as much of an awareness about GDA and nutritional requirements and values.
Personally, i know that people do become vegetarian in order to loose weight, and people with eating disorders do this so they can avoid food. But i also think that being vegetarian does place more emphasis and importance on food. I dont blame my anorexia on being vegetarian but i wouldnt rule out the possibility that it has made my knowledge of food more extensive and may have aided my weightloss. It is not a pleasant thought to think that the way my parents have raised me and the ethical and moral decision i made to stay vegetarian has cause such a horrible illness. I would like to think it hasnt. But at least i can be sure that i really did become vegetarian for my families own values.
Sophie x
Monday 1 August 2011
Peer Pressure
So yesterday i went to the park with my friends. I bought my usual un adventurous lunch, and my friends got theirs. They also got a big pack of biscuits.
I got offered one and refused many times. I kept getting the sideways head and disapproving look from my friend who had bought them, he constantly was shaking the pack at me too. But i kept just saying no. It was so sunny and the chocolate on the biscuits started to melt. Then, my friend was like, right we are finishing these now! And made us all take one, he said have half too me. So i did! I was completely worn down. So it was kindof a half giving in. I didnt have a whole 1 but i was peer pressured enough to let up a little bit. I had been made to feel so stupid and rude by him as all the others ate them and he kept on making me decline. Eventually i just had to give in.
I did feel a bit guilty afterwards, but i kept reminding myself that i could have had a whole 1 so i hadnt completely lost control. This shows i guess how i still fear losing control and will still refuse to eat normally. But i suppose i did take a tiny step yesterday, and i should be pleased about that. I was completely out of my comfort zone, but had no option but to just deal with it.
Sophie x
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