Yesterday, my parents and sister went to see my grandparents. I didnt go because i had too much revision to do for my A level exams next week. They let me stay home my myself and ii had complete responsibility over what i ate.
I did quite well i think. I ate way more than i would have let myself eat when home alone in the past.
It feels good that i can be trusted with this. And it feels good to have some independence and responsibility over eating again.
However, i do wonder what motivated my family to allow this. I think they wanted a break from the responsibility. They thought 'we can have a break and let go just for one day' and they persuaded themselves that they could trust me because they wanted to. It does make me sad they im sure they enjoy family trips without me. They are so much less stressful for them. They went out to lunch and made and ate a cake, these would both be awkward and tense activities if i was there. While i am happy to give them some pleasure with my absence, i am upset that me not being there is better for them. Once i was told this.
Swings and roundabouts i suppose.
Sophie x
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